


New Normal

by orphan_account



Series: Chasing Seeker [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe-Non Magic, Blind Character, Blind Regulus, CODA James, F/M, Fluff, Genderfluid Sirius, Grief, Grief Management, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Pregnancy, aromantic Lily, established relationships - Freeform, loss of a parent, time lapse fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 10:24:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7680745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the loss of his father, James adjusts to his new normal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Normal

**Author's Note:**

> Part two of attempting to deal with grief. It's helping, and I appreciate everyone's comments on the first part of this series. Means a lot, and I love you all loads.

James walked into the house, his entire body sore, an ache forming behind his eyes. The day had gone as bad as any day could go. Trouble with students, then a visit from a family lawyer letting him know his mother had finished the paperwork, and the small cottage in Godric’s Hollow was officially his. The place had been a holiday home for the Potters. James had loved it, and would jokingly tell his father that upon Fleamont’s death, it would become his small castle.

James, for all that he was a dreamer, never dreamt Fleamont would actually die. That the cottage would become him at the expense of his father’s life.

He signed the document, but couldn’t begin to fathom when he’d be ready to take actual possession of the cottage. It would be too much. Even gutted—as the Potters had cleared it out and left it empty—it would be too much. Too much reminder of what he’d lost, of what he’d never get back. That weighing heavy on him, James stayed at his desk far later than normal, and only went home when the sky began to darken.

Walking into his flat, he fully expected the sounds of his youngest, possibly his husband reading to her or cooking dinner. Instead he was met with a silence, and then the sight of Lily curled up on the sofa with a book perched over her knee. She glanced up when he entered, her face dropping into a soft smile.

“You’re late.”

Startled by the presence of the woman who, last he’d heard was in Costa Rica, he dropped his briefcase by the arm chair. “Erm. Am I?”

Setting her book aside, Lily rose and curled one hand into the collar of his shirt, dragging him in to press a firm kiss at the corner of his mouth. “Reg said you’d be home by now.”

James blinked, startled by the warmth of her presence there, and he found himself putting one hand against her soft waist. “What the hell are you doing here? And where erm…where is that husband of mine?”

Lily laughed quietly under her breath. “I’m on holiday, to see you. And Sirius rang. She was having an off day, wanted some company. Remus picked Regs and Tilly up.”

“And Harry? He swung by my office earlier, but I was marking and told him to go on.”

“He and I spent a few hours together, but he’s off with Gin and Ron. Think he’s staying over.” She dragged her hand down his arm, threading their fingers together. “Reg told me about the cottage, Potter. And I know that was probably the last thing you needed right now. Come on, let’s have a cuddle. You look like you could use it.”

Lily wasn’t often affectionate like this, though there were moments when she craved contact, especially when she’d been gone a while. But he’d only seen her a handful of weeks ago, at his father’s funeral. His throat tightened as his thoughts drifted near Fleamont, and he swallowed. He’d just got to the point where it wasn’t hurting every single second of the day, and he didn’t really want to be dragged back there now.

He let her pull him down to the cushions, and he found himself cuddled up against her side, her fingers going into his hair. “Nice to see you,” he murmured.

“I feel like maybe…maybe I left a bit soon,” she confessed. “I mean, I know it’s work, and I didn’t have a choice, but I had holiday time I could have burnt.”

James shook his head, burying his face in the expanse of her bicep. “No,” he said, voice muffled by her shirt. “Honestly I was no good to anyone then. Regs barely made it through without divorcing me, I think.”

James meant it in jest, but there was some measure of truth to it. He’d been unstable, hair-trigger anger, snapping at Regulus, at the kids, at the cat. Several times Regulus took both Harry and Tilly over to Remus and Sirius’ to get away from James’ volatile anger, and it was only after he’d agreed to see a grief therapist that things started getting back on track.

Lily knew all this, of course. James rang her up and confessed his abject fear of losing his husband. What she’d said to him then, she repeated now on the sofa. “Regulus has been so head-over-heels in love with you since he was eleven, there’s not a force on the planet that would get him to leave.”

James wasn’t entirely sure either time she’d said it, that he believed her. But the reassurance was nice. “Talk to him today?”

“We had a nice chat and cuddle,” she said with a grin. Her fingers dug into his scalp, just the way he liked it, and he groaned. “He says you’re doing better.”

“Dunno what better really is. Only that I’m not randomly bursting into tears or snapping at everyone for breathing too loudly,” James said.

Lily dropped a kiss to his temple. “I remember very well how awful it is.”

James turned his face into her sleeve again, and breathed in the scent of her. “I know you do,” he murmured. “I’m sorry, this must be bringing up awful memories.”

“More like it’s reminding me what helped, and I think dinner in bed and a Netflix marathon is in order. From what Reg said, they’re staying over to keep Si company.”

James felt vaguely guilty, that he should be there for his sibling, but he knew Sirius would be well content with the people she had around her tonight. And maybe, James thought, it would be okay to selfishly keep Lily to himself. Just for a little while. She was his best friend, and sometimes she alone could get him through times like this.

“Yeah,” he said, and gave her his first genuine smile of the day. “Yeah I think that sounds nice.”

*** 

Dinner and Netflix was had in bed. Pizza, to avoid too many crumbs, and eighties films where they attempted to ignore the casual racism and misogyny. “Like anyone would look twice at that pasty skin,” Lily complained at Sixteen Candles. “Glow in the dark, she is.”

James snorted, kissing the side of her neck. His hand trailed up her arm, finger tracing along the freckles which were sprinkled across her dark olive skin. “She’s not how I like my redheads.”

“I should think not,” Lily said, and tugged at one of her curls.

James’ hands followed, brushing over her hair, falling down to her shoulders. They locked eyes, green and hazel, holding fast before she gave the barest nod, and he kissed her. It was more chaste than anything, at least at first. Her full lips met his, soft and pliant, and his hands clutched down over her shoulders. Her mouth opened first, and he followed suit, their tongues meeting in the middle, soft and slick.

He hadn’t realised he wanted this, needed it, until her hand came to splay out under his shirt, along his stomach. She let out the softest moan, and he immediately began to harden in his boxers.

“You want to?” she asked, their lips barely apart.

James nodded, one hand coming up against her full hip, fingers digging into the flesh. “If you want…”

“Do you have condoms…?”

James let out a groan. “Fuck. No, I…we haven’t used them in ages.”

With a tiny laugh, she lifted her head and swiped her tongue along his bottom lip, then kissed him deeply as she rose to one knee, pushing her body gently against his. “It’s alright. It’s been a few months for me, and I was tested after my last partner and I'm on the pill.”

James trusted her, and that was all he needed to know—her consent was all that mattered. “If you change your mind…” he reminded her, as he did every time.

She knew. She always knew, but it was something she appreciated about him as she leant over and their tongues slid together again.

It was all very soft, gentler than he normally had with her, but in a way it was what he needed, and he was more than grateful she could sense that about him. Her legs spread, his fingers brushing along her thick thighs, in between them, against her clit. She bucked and groaned, and when he slid inside, her hips lifted to meet him, thrust for thrust.

It was over quicker than he wanted, but he took pleasure in knowing she’d come just before he dropped his head and spilt.

When he finally pulled out, she rolled over, tugging him to her chest in a comforting motion not characteristic for her. Normally she slept in the guest room, preferring her space. But it was a reminder that whilst she might not have wanted romance, she might not have wanted a relationship, she still loved him.

And he loved her.

He loved everything about his little family. 

They were what mattered most.

*** 

It was a Saturday, and James was sat with his back against a tree, Regulus lounged between his legs with a book on his crooked thighs. Tilly was playing on the slides with a few of the children who’d come down to the park that afternoon, the parents enjoying the last of the summer weather before autumn hit.

Closing his eyes, James let out a long sigh, trying his best to keep his thoughts in check. He’d done well enough over the past few weeks, not letting himself think much. He’d seen his grief therapist a few times, but all he really heard was that it would take time. Time to heal, time to adjust to a new normal, to a world where Fleamont Potter was no longer alive.

He didn’t realise he’d gone tense until Regulus' fingers stilled, then he set his book down and twisted slightly in his arms. “You want to talk about it?”

James thinned his lips, glancing over at Tilly who was heading down one of the red, plastic slides. “Not really anything to talk about. Specifically,” he added.

Regulus let out a tiny breath, then his hand drifted out, trailing down James’ arm until their fingers hooked together. “You’re not sleeping.”

It was a true statement—he wasn’t sleeping. He was suffering insomnia created by a fear that the moment he fell asleep, he’d be woken by the death of someone else he loved. Every time he laid in bed, every time he was reminded of the moment Lily woke him, he relived it. He relived the shock and pain, and he was afraid to go through it again. It kept his head spinning, his anxiety raging, and sleep a distant memory.

Twice that week he’d been woken at his desk by concerned students. “Sir, do you need help or something?”

James was a bit embarrassed, but too damn tired to care much. “I know, babe,” he said after a long moment. He dropped his head forward, nuzzling into the back of Regulus’ hair and snuffled through it. “I just…it’s all so much still, and when it’s quiet, that’s when it hurts the most.”

Regulus made a quiet noise in the back of his throat, distressed because there wasn’t anything anyone could do to help his husband. “We should go soon. We can…” He was interrupted by the sound of James’ facetime notification.

Shifting, James pulled his mobile out and saw his mum on the screen. Wracked with guilt, he ignored it for the fifth time that day.

“Mum again?” Regulus asked.

James swallowed thickly, and answered only after he’d buried his face in Regulus’ neck. “I’m struggling. I want to be strong for her, and I can’t.”

Regulus turned fully now, pushing his legs so they hooked over James’ thighs, and his hands moved out, cupping James by the cheeks to hold him tight. “You know she’s not asking you to be strong for her, right? She has her family and dad’s family there. She’s probably just worried about you.”

“I know,” James said, taking in a shaking breath. “I know and I…it’s…I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just…right now I _can’t_. I know that doesn’t make sense but…”

“Doesn’t have to,” Regulus murmured, and leant in to brush his lips across James’, then across his cheeks gently, sweetly. “It is what it is, and what you’re feeling is okay. It’s normal.”

James gulped, pushing his forehead against Regulus’ before he nodded. “Yeah,” he breathed. “I’ll send her an email later. I just…need time. New normal.”

It was a phrase James had been using for a while now, one Regulus had heard a lot, and he merely smiled before shifting back round and reaching for his book. James appreciated that his husband seemed to know exactly what he needed, and how, without him having to explain much. He didn’t want a long talk about his grief, or how it was making him feel, or why. He merely wanted an afternoon out with the ability to think and be sad. He wanted to have his arm round his husband, like he had now. He wanted to watch his daughter laugh and run, and feel both alright and not alright all at once.

And he had that.

It was enough dealing at home. Harry was processing his emotions the way any teen really did. He spent more time with his mates, putting himself fully into training since the term had just started, and it was distracting.

Tilly was dealing in the way only a young child did. She wouldn’t think much about it, sometimes she would talk about her granddad like she was okay. Then one day, during her tap lesson, she remembered he would never be around to watch her dance ever again, and broke down.

Chocolate and kisses from Regulus and James made it better. And James had managed to keep himself under control until she was asleep, and he was behind closed doors so she wouldn’t have to watch him crumble. Regulus held him for that long, sleepless night, and by morning he went back to work, exhausted, worse for the wear, but put back together as best he could be.

That was that, really.

The New Normal.

*** 

James pushed the door to the flat open, and immediately tripped over a box. He managed to save himself from hitting the ground, but he let out a cry, and glanced up when he saw Regulus poke his head round from the kitchen. He was wearing a scowl, and holding a bit of wet kitchen paper to his cheek.

“Oh good, so it wasn’t just me, then.”

James blinked up, righting himself. “What the hell is all this?”

“Delivery, apparently. I think Harry let it all in before he left for practise.” Regulus came out, trailing one hand along the wall. “No braille on the boxes, so I’ve no idea what they are, only I have a feeling…”

“From mum,” James said very quietly as he glanced at the post markings. “From…they’re…” He knew what they were. His mum had been attempting to get in touch with him over the last few weeks to let James know she’d be sending all the things Fleamont wanted him to have. None of it had been listed in the official will, just things Fleamont had said to Euphemia over the years.

James hadn’t expected his mum to want to part with all these things so fast, purging the dead from the home so quickly, but it was what it was. It was very much her. He’d been avoiding this, but he supposed his mum would only wait so long before just going on with her plan.

And so she had.

“I rang Sirius,” Regulus said. He took careful steps, shuffling his feet to avoid another tripping incident. There was a small gash across his cheek from where he’d fallen, but he’d had worse. Though James felt a wash of guilt because this could have been avoided if he’d just bothered to talk properly with his mum. “She wants to come over tonight. I thought it was best you two do this together. I assume most of this stuff was meant to be divided up between the pair of you.”

It was. James knew it was. His mum had instructed that James and Sirius keep what they wanted, and discard the rest. James couldn’t think of a single reason to throw anything out, but he knew his father would have wanted him to be more pragmatic than that. Don’t keep things for sentimentality, keep them for practicality. The rest get rid of. Memories, photos, videos—those could preserve what James craved most.

These…

These were just things.

He kissed Regulus, drawing his lips gently over the cut before his husband went back to the kitchen to finish tea. James busied himself by taking the boxes into the guest room and lining them up along the wall. His fingers itched to tear them open, to lose himself in the smell and sights of the things his father had once loved, but he didn’t want to do it alone.

He needed to wait for Sirius. 

Who arrived with Remus, of course, and the pair of them let themselves in easily. Remus immediately went to Regulus, to help out in the kitchen, and Sirius brushed her hands down along the front of her leggings, then grabbed James by the back of the neck and hauled him in for a firm embrace.

“This is going to suck, isn’t it?” she whispered.

James nodded against his sibling’s hair. “Probably worse than anything has ever sucked before.”

Sirius couldn’t help a laugh, barking and sharp, right in James’ ear. She then grabbed his hand and the pair of them went into the room to begin the task of deciding what parts of Fleamont were worth keeping forever, and what parts were worth putting in the bin.

*** 

It was oddly not as difficult as James expected. Eventually Remus and Regulus joined them with a fluffy duvet, food, a bit of whiskey, and a laptop with soft music in the background. They tore through box after box, James providing a commentary for the photos Regulus couldn’t see, and often passing around strange objects his father had collected over the years.

“Unicorns,” Regulus said, twisting a small, glass figurine in his hands. “Who’d have thought?”

“He kept it well hidden,” Sirius said with a soft grin. She leant into Remus who kissed the side of her head gently. “I want those.”

“All yours. They’ll only end up broken here,” Regulus said, handing them over.

James grabbed the box the rest were in, and shoved it toward Sirius. “I’m going to tell mum you kept those of all these things.”

Apart from some of the clothes, all the photos, a few books, and Fleamont’s stack of sheet music, James wasn’t keeping anything else. Regulus said he’d handle it, ringing up a few charity shops who took both clothes and trinkets. They’d let Harry go through once he was home, to see if there was anything he wanted for his own, but the rest, James reasoned, would be better served bringing someone else happy.

He could close his eyes then, and see the excited smile on his face when his dad found something ridiculous—like the bit of driftwood carved to look like a bear. It was the most ridiculous thing James had ever seen—they’d picked it up on a holiday in Brighton. James had taken the piss about the Wood Bear the entire time they were at the sea. But Fleamont hadn’t cared. He loved the damned thing and kept it on his desk. Occasionally he’d sent photos of the Wood Bear to James, when James was being particularly cheeky. He’d named the bear Bernard, as well, which for whatever reason, had made Sirius laugh until he cried.

“I don’t think I can give up Bernard,” Sirius said after a long silence. She was holding the bear delicately, as though it might break.

James felt his chest constrict and when he spoke, his voice was tight and hard, but he was smiling. “I think you should. I think he wanted Bernard to say in the family.”

In truth, he knew Fleamont would have wanted Bernard to go to James just for his last bit of friendly spite, just because he knew the face James would pull the moment his son set eyes on the damned thing.

He felt tears welling and falling. Regulus held him, and kissed his temple.

It was one of the worst nights yet.

But also one of the best.

*** 

“We need to talk about the cottage soon,” Regulus said a few weeks later. They’d just got Tilly to bed, and Harry was on the phone to Ginny in the other room. They got another call from the lawyer that day, and James knew he could only put it off for so long.

“I…don’t know what I want to do,” James confessed as he flopped onto the sofa. Regulus took James’ feet into his lap and began to knead the arches. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to be ready to set foot there.”

Regulus let out a sigh. “So we offer it to Pads and Moony. Or…we sell it.”

The idea of selling it didn’t sit right, and James was about to say that when his mobile chimed, and he saw Lily’s name on the screen. Swiping open the app, he answered. “What the hell time is it there, Lils?”

She looked worn, tired, and a bit concerned. “That’s not important.”

Regulus immediately tensed, knowing that tone in her voice. Something was wrong, and James was about to panic when she held something up to the camera.

It took James several seconds to realise what it was. “Oh. Fuck me,” he breathed.

“What?” Regulus demanded, a bit white.

“She’s holding up a positive pregnancy test,” James murmured. 

Regulus blinked rapidly for several moments before he let out a sigh. “Christ. Can the pair of you ever fuck without her getting sent up the duff?”

Lily’s face reappeared in the phone and she scowled. “We’ve fucked many times, thank you. And I’ve only got pregnant twice. Well...three times now, I suppose. Anyway, how do the pair of you feel about fatherhood? Again?”

“Jesus,” James breathed, then he looked over at Reg who was clearly fighting off a smile, and he sighed. “Guess we’re on board.” He flashed the phone over, and when he looked back, she was smiling and shaking her head.

“You two are disgusting. I’ll send you doctor visit information, and I’ll be back in London before the baby’s born.”

“This is horrible,” James groaned. “Fuck.”

“Yay,” Regulus countered.

“Fuck you both,” Lily said. “I love you.”

“We love you too, sweetheart,” Regulus said, sounding more genuinely happy than he had since before James’ father had died.

James wondered, at the back of his mind, if maybe this was Fleamont’s parting gift as he was leaving the world.

*** 

James took in a shaking breath as they approached the pathway to the front door. He heard the car door behind him shut, then there was a long beat, a small whimper, and then footsteps. The swish of a cane, which hit him in the shoe, then fingers digging into his arm.

“Alright?” Regulus asked quietly.

James glanced over at his husband who was holding the top of his cane in his free hand. He had their new daughter tucked into the bright purple sling across his chest. She’d been fussy in the car, but had settled the moment she was wrapped tight against her papa’s chest. James had a feeling Lily was enjoying the hell out of the quiet in the flat, seeing as though Diya had developed a case of, Keep Everyone Awake From Two to Six AM over the last few weeks.

Everyone was exhausted, but Lily more than the rest as she was still nursing as much as she could before her maternity leave was up and she’d have to get back to work.

Regulus took over the other duties, as he had with the other children, and although Harry and Tilly weren’t overly thrilled to have a new sibling straight away, she was growing on them.

She was, after all, very cute. She shared her dad’s dark skin, and her mum’s curls, and Regulus’ ability to turn everyone into a pile of good with a tiny smile. It was lovely, actually.

And it had been Regulus who pointed out to James, “The flat is starting to feel a bit small, love. And it’s only going to get smaller as she grows.”

James knew what his husband was getting at, and in spite of things feeling better, and time passing, he dug his heels into the ground. “I don’t know. I just…”

“You’ve put this off a long time. You signed the documents, the cottage is ours. It’s a nice place, and it would be a nice place for the other ones to grow up. I mean, it’s too late for Harry, obviously. The city’s got her claws on him, there’s no hope. But Til and Diya…?”

It was the small pout on Regulus’ lips that did him in. So he got the keys and he made arrangements to put their flat up for let.

And now they were stood in front of their potential new home.

Regulus let go of James' arm, taking his hand instead, using his cane for a guide as they approached the front doors. The cottage had been closed up before James had married Regulus, so his husband had never got to experience it the way James—and eventually Sirius—had. Sirius was thrilled, ringing up that afternoon to talk about how excited he was, and how he and Remus couldn’t wait to inflict themselves as houseguests and relive old, horrible memories of Teenage Prongs and Padfoot.

It was one of the few things about this that could make James smile.

It helped, he realised as he put the key in the lock, opened the door, and stepped inside, that most of it looked nothing like he remembered. His parents had ordered painters, so the blue walls had become a sort of mocha brown, and the floors had been redone into a dark hardwood. It carried a stale smell of being shut away for so long, but a light cleaning would bring the place to life.

As would their sofa…

“And your favourite chair,” Regulus said, and James realised he’d been speaking all this aloud. “And the kids’ things.”

“Yeah,” James said, tugging Regulus close and kissing the top of his head. He wound his arm round his husband’s waist and looked down into the cocoon which held their newest babe. “Our things. New memories.”

“Which won’t erase the old ones,” Regulus reminded him. “It still has all of those.”

James let out a shuddering breath, nodding against the top of Regulus’ head. “Yeah. But it feels…right. The newness. It doesn’t hurt like I thought it would.”

Regulus turned, cupping James’ cheek gently, drawing his thumb along the slight stubble, and he grinned, going onto his toes to give James a proper kiss. “It’ll be good.”

James smiled and kissed Regulus back, fierce and loving. “Yeah. Yeah, it will.”

*** 

James was asleep, blissfully, peacefully. Since moving into the cottage things had felt…well not better, but different, and different meant something. It wasn’t until the sound of his name being called roused him, and he sat bolt upright. His breath caught in his chest and for a moment, the panic welled in him, preventing him from moving.

Then he heard it again. 

“Jamie, love. I could really use your help.”

James scrambled from the bed, bolting down the hall and round the corner into the kitchen doorway. Regulus was stood near the dining table, holding a bottle, the other hand outstretched. He looked frustrated, tired, and annoyed.

“Diya needs her bottle and I’m a bit…lost, I’m afraid,” Regulus said, his voice tight.

“Door is at your two o’clock, about ten steps.”

Regulus let out a small breath, then took the ten steps before his hand hit the doorframe. Fingers roved out, tracing it, then his face fell. “Still getting used to it. I…didn’t even think.”

James sighed. “I’m sorry, love. I should have gotten up.”

Shaking his head, Regulus grabbed James’ shoulder and pulled him in, kissing his cheek. “If you recall many black eyes, bruised shins, and nights sat on the floor in our flat when I first moved in?”

James snorted a laugh as he wound an arm round Regulus’ waist. “Right. Yes. How could I forget?”

“Well it has been a while. Hence the getting lost bit. Made it here alright, but I’m…” Regulus’ words were interrupted by a hungry cry, and he let out a small sigh as he turned, James’ arm still around him. “I’m tired.”

“You want me to take this one?” James asked quietly as they both made their way toward the nursery. “You’ve been getting them all.”

“Because you’ve been getting actual sleep,” Regulus said. He pulled away from James, reaching for the door. His fingers took a moment to find the handle, which were all a few inches lower than they had been in the flat. But he did, and pushed the door open to the room where Diya’s cries were even louder, more annoyed.

“Takes after you,” James groused as he stayed by the door, letting Regulus approach the cot. He smiled as his husband took their daughter into his arms, then turned, with his foot finding the edge of the rocking chair, and he sat down. She took the bottle hungrily, nuzzling into his arm as she began to gulp her night time feeding down. “Demanding. Needy. Such a brat.”

Regulus pulled a face, but it softened when James walked over and sank down, his hands on Regulus’ thighs. “I think she gets that from her godparents. Well, one in particular.”

James laughed and reached out, running a finger along his daughter’s cheek. Diya grunted as she continued to eat, her tiny hands curled into fists on either side of the bottle, gripping it as hard as any infant ever could. “You think dad would have been excited to have another granddaughter?”

Regulus bit down on his lip for a moment before he answered. “I think… I think he would have been excited no matter what.” There was a tense silence that settled over them, then Regulus reached out with his free hand and let the backs of his knuckles brush down James’ cheek. “It’s not fair she doesn’t get to know him. It’s okay to think that, you know.”

James felt a small wash of pain. It wasn’t overwhelming him the way it had been months before, but it was a reminder that it would never really feel okay. That it was always going to hurt like this. There would always be a small hole in the centre of his chest in the shape of his father. “I know,” he breathed, and leant into his husband’s tough. “I do know. I’m grateful Harry and Til got time with him. Memories, you know? That they’ll take with them as they grow up. It’s just…now mum’s all they’ve got.”

Regulus sighed quietly. “I’m sorry I came from such rubbish. I am. It should have been different. I mean, we’ve got Andi and Ted, of course. And Nym.”

James laughed quietly. “That we do.”

“It’s not the same,” Regulus began, but James shook his head against his husband’s hand.

“No, it’s not, but it is something. I just…forget sometimes. What with Lily’s parents gone and yours don’t count. But Andi and Ted are wonderful.”

Andromeda and Ted Tonks had been by several times since Diya was born, to bring gifts and spend time with the kids. They seemed to sense that the Potter children needed something a little more, and they’d always got on with Regulus’ kinder cousins. It was nice, actually, seeing them. Nym had even brought her new girlfriend, a French girl who’d been in her physics lecture, for the last Sunday lunch and everyone had such a brilliant time, James had a hard time remembering there were moments he was overwhelmed by sadness.

Now though, in the quiet nights like this, knelt by his husband, feeding his daughter, he could remember. It was just nice to not feel like it was consuming him.

“We’ve got family,” Regulus said softly, and turned his hand, cupping James cheek and rubbing his thumb along the skin there. “A lot of it. A very good family.”

“We have, haven’t we.” James looked down at their daughter, then shifted up on his knees so he could lay his head against Regulus’ chest. It prevented the chair from rocking, but it seemed like the presence of her fathers sent Diya off into a gentle sleep, and James smiled down at her.

Once upon a time he hadn’t thought he’d have one kid, let alone three. He hadn’t thought he’d ever really fall in love, let alone marry the man of his dreams, and get to keep Lily along as the mother of his children and his very best friend. There were moments he thought he might lose Sirius too, and maybe even Remus. There were times when he thought Peter would get so caught up in his job he’d never come by again.

But none of that had happened.

He had them all still. He had friends and family who loved him. And when he fell hard, like he had with his father, it made the landing all that much easier.

James reached over and pushed his fingernail against Diya’s hand until her tiny palm uncurled, then curled back around him. She squeezed, and made a slight noise of protest before going back to sleep. “We should take her to see mum. She needs a sign name, and I think it would make mum feel…something.”

Regulus laughed, turning his head to press a kiss to the top of James’ head. “Something. That’s one word for it. Over the moon about getting to spend time with her new grandchild is another.” Regulus pushed James off, then stood up, hand out to find the nappy changing table. Diya protested, though her cries were more sleepy and soft.

Regulus sorted the cloth nappy out, James taking care to rinse the other one before putting it in the laundry, and when he came back out, Regulus had Diya back in the cot, her dummy in her mouth, eyes nearly closed. His fingers came out, brushing gently along her tuft of curls, across her baby-smooth forehead, down her nose which made her eyes flutter, then close. They didn’t open again.

He brushed the pads of his fingers lightly along her dark lashes, and when he was satisfied she was asleep, he turned and held both hands out for James. James wasted no time stepping into the embrace, and turning his face for a kiss.

Regulus obliged willingly, their tongues sliding together soft and slow, and his hands crept up to twist into the back of James’ shirt. “Love you,” he murmured against James’ mouth.

James grinned into the kiss, then pulled back, taking several steps though he didn’t let Regs’ hands go. The pair shuffled back off to their bedroom, leaving Diya’s bedroom door cracked open, the baby monitor on, and they climbed under the duvet. It had gone a bit cold from the absence of their bodies, but quickly warmed as they wrapped round each other.

“I like it here,” Regulus said, just as James thought maybe his husband had drifted off to sleep.

James grinned and held him a little closer. “Yeah?”

“Mm.” Regulus turned his face to nose along James’ neck. “It isn’t perfect. Going to take me ages before I stop getting lost on my way back to the kitchen, but…I’m glad we settled here. It feels better than being in the city.”

James lifted a hand, winding it into Regulus’ soft locks, and he let out a long breath. “It is nice.”

“Just feels…refreshing.” Regulus yawned and nuzzled down. When he spoke again, his voice was sleep-thick and heavy. “Time for Si and Moony to have the babies though. Getting a little old for this.”

James couldn’t help a low chuckle as he kissed along Regulus’ temple. “Mm, was thinking the same thing, love. We’ve got all we need.”

“Yeah.”

James grinned into the dark, his love in his arms, his children all safely tucked into their beds. Life could have been better, sure. And it could have been worse. But he was fairly sure it couldn’t possibly be more content than this right here.


End file.
